Attack! Of The Ampersands

First.  I have to give a huge shout out to my hometown: Philadelphia.  We did it baby!!!  2008 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS!!  After twenty-eight years without a World Series win, and twenty-five years without any sort of title in any sport, the Philadelphia Phillies beat the Tampa (Devil) Rays in five games to take home the Commissioner’s Trophy. 

It’s a moment I will remember for the rest of my life.  I was (unfortunately) stuck in traffic on the 10 freeway trying to get off an exit to find a bar to watch the end of the game.  When the last pitch was thrown, I went ape shit in my car.  People around me changed lanes to get away from the commotion I was making in The Blue Flash: screaming out of open windows and blaring the horn.  The whole idea of the win didn’t hit me totally until the next day when I got to work and began looking through photos on Philly.com, to which, and I’m not afraid to say it, I began to cry.  If there was ever a time I missed being home, it was right then.  A moment suspended in time.  I received many text messages and photo messages the following Friday from the parade down Broad St. honoring our new heroes. It’s truly an amazing moment and probably one of the proudest of my life. 

Okay, I’m done being gushy.

Go see Zack & Miri Make a Porno.  The new Kevin Smith uber-comedy is another great piece of film from the legendary Jersey boy.  For those who don’t know, the story follows two below poverty-stricken friends Zack and Miri who are so broke they decide to get a group of friends together and make a little home made filth.  I don’t want to give too much away, but there is a moment in this movie, which is probably the grossest I’ve seen in a long time, but it’s also one of the funniest I’ve seen in a very long time.  I haven’t laughed that hard at a single joke in years.  The dialogue is true KS; completely juvenile, but laced with so many smart references, it makes you wonder how you can be laughing at a dick joke that alludes to an 18^th century philosopher. 

Saturday night I went to see She & Him at the Wiltern.  “She” is actress Zooey Deschanel (who is my number one) and “Him” is legendary guitarist M. Ward.  My friend Kathleen went along for the ride since I had an extra ticket.  Zooey has such a distinctive and amazing voice.  It’s not an out of this world, kill-your-kids-to-hear-her-sing voice, but it has this weird little… I can’t really put my finger on exactly what it is, but it’s definitely unique.  And very beautiful.  And M. Ward, well he’s M. Ward.  They played a killer set, I got to hear all of my favorite songs by the duo (and their backing band), and I fell in love with Zooey all over again.  I wonder if she’s single?

In case you’ve been in a coma for the last week, Tuesday was Election Day.  And finally after a long hard battle, Barack Obama & Joe Biden beat John McCain and his dumb bitch of a VP candidate Sarah Palin (pronounce paul-in b/c she doesn’t deserve to have her name said correctly) 364-163 in electoral college votes to capture the presidential victory.  I’m really excited for his term to start.  After the last eight years of complete hate and distaste and misery for our government and it’s leader(s), I’m finally excited and proud to call myself an Amerikan again.  Hopefully Obama can live up to all expectations.  Sadly, like any politician, he is going to have many people who are dipping their hands in his pot, and he’ll have to compromise one thing or another, but I feel for the most part, he will stick to his beliefs and help resurrect our country not only in face globally, but also internally (i.e. economically, etc.). 

And now onto the biggest ampersand of them all: Coheed & Cambria.  This week, The Avalon in Hollywood was hosting Coheed & Cambria’s Neverender phenomenon.  CO&CA is a progressive rock band from New York who bases their music and albums around telling one central story.  Each album from start to finish tells a different chapter of the larger tale. 

The Neverender is a four-night concert event.  Each night, Coheed will play, in order, one album, from start to finish, in it’s entirety.  I’ve been waiting for this show for about five months.  I had tickets to nights one and two. 

Night one was The Second Stage Turbine Blade.  I really want to give you the details, but the story is so involved, and you probably won’t understand it.  It’s a really great sci-fi story which I so complex, I can’t fathom how singer Claudio Sanchez conceived it.  It was an amazing, once in a lifetime show.  I got to hear songs I haven’t heard play since I first saw Coheed six years ago back when I was in college and first discovered them.  Songs like “Junesong Provision” and “Devil In Jersey City” sounded so amazing.  What’s crazy about the whole thing if you think about it is I’m sure when a band tours, they practice the songs they are playing on that tour and that’s it.  Coheed & Cambria had to practice and know every song in their catalogue. 

Night two was In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth: 3.  I didn’t make it.  My favorite album by one of my favorite bands.  The title track in fact, I believe, is one of the most perfect songs ever written, and I missed it.  “Al The Killer.”  Missed it.  “A Favor House Atlantic.”  Missed it.  “Three Evils.”  Missed it.  Fuck you.

The reason:

Due to Proposition 8 not passing in California, there was a huge protest down Santa Monica Blvd. during rush hour, so I became trapped on the west side.  In fact, the traffic was so bad, I was trapped at MTV because so many cars were stopped outside I couldn’t pull my car out of the lot.  It was a literal parking lot outside.  I couldn’t even drive home to Venice, six miles away.  After the first hour of seclusion, Sharham and I decided to walk down to Ralph’s and buy food and booze to keep us nourished at the office while we waited to leave. 

Now, I am in complete support of gay rights.  It’s totally stupid to pass a law disallowing a group of people from getting married if they want to.  But do they really have to protest during rush hour in Los Angeles.  The news was interviewing protesters who were getting beat up while marching and couldn’t understand it.  Look asshole: gay, straight, bi, tri, whatever.  If you were walking down the street, and I got stuck in traffic for four hours, I would probably get the fuck out of my car and punch you too. 

I am going to post part of my friend Pascual Murderface’s blog on the subject below.  He stated it best:

We actually made a state constitutional AMENDMENT saying marriage is between a man and a woman.  Since when is the constitution to be used for anything other than PROTECTING RIGHTS AND GRANTING FREEDOMS??  When did we decide it was ok to say what we're NOT allowed to do as citizens??  Show me one amendment in any constitution where it LIMITS freedoms rather than details our RIGHTS!

I'd like to hear a single, solid argument against gay marriage.  And stop using religion or tradition.  That's a personal thing.  The fact that I say fuck, shit, ass, twat, balls, cock, and motherfucker is pretty offensive to some people too, but they can't make me a second-class citizen for saying that stuff.

Mandated discrimination is deplorable and I sincerely hope all of you end up with gay children just to see how painful it is to see people you care about losing their legal rights and privileges.

~~~~~~~

I'll keep reminding you, if you want to use the sanctity and tradition argument, it's not gonna work til you agree that we should ban atheist, agnostic, buddhist, hindu, sikh, pagan, wiccan, disabled, impotent, safe-sex, etc marriages.  Those all soil the sanctity and go against the tradition of the judeo marriage concept.

Nicely put my friend.

I think that about covered the last week or so of my life.  Zack & Miri.  She & Him.  Obama & Biden.  Coheed & Cambria.  Prop 8.

Have a great weekend everyone.  I know I will.  RAD GIRL premiere weekend.  Everyone’s in town and we’re all going to get crunked.

Blood hungry, cannibalistic unfit family ties…