Abby is leaving us. I know. It’s a sad day. But, she is moving on to a better place: Oregon. And following her dream: going to beauty school. And we’ll all miss her: I assume.
But don’t worry. Before she left town we (and I’m including the Hotel Staff and all extended family) threw one helluva going away party for her. Technically it was a “Going Away Fake Bachelorette Party” for her.
What we did was this: Around five PM, I busted my ass to get Abby out of the house. She was waiting around for Bruno to get done work so Bruno could show Abby her apartment. (Abby was going to crash there for a week while Bridget was hometown bound in Dirty Jersey.) I worked every angle. I tried to convince her to go for beer (“we already have enough”), tried to get her to go to Subway (“but aren’t we having dinner soon), and tried to get to go for a walk on the boardwalk (“okay, I need some new sunglasses”). Phew!
So I get her out, but not long enough for everyone to show up. She needs to urinate, and is ready to walk back. I had to convince her to walk around longer. She almost killed me b/c I wanted to stay out and look at wooden bears and fish sculptures at this store, which we actually never went in to. Bridget finally gets done work, and I drop Abby off there to check things out, while I go back and get ready for the big unveiling. Everyone was ready to rock: GT and Jen, Adam F., DarrOn, Jade, and J-mar.
Abby entered the Hotel minutes later, and knew right away people were there. Everyone proceeded to reveal themselves, while we set Abby up for the surprises to come. We sat her down in a chair and handed her the first gift: a veil, of course. It was her bachelorette party after all. Next was the big one. Johnny gave Abby strict rules not to move, nor touch or harass the person was coming to visit. He pressed play on his iPod and the gayest music ever began to seep out of the living room stereo. Johnny goes to the door, and swings it open to presumably allow a very handsome, and most likely well-endowed male stripper into the room. However, upon reveal, there was no one there, and while she, and everyone else in the room was distracted, I (that’s right, my sexy ass) dropped trough and ripped my shirt off to unleash my red, velvet thong unto the world. Abby lost her mind. She laughed, got up out of her chair and ran away (which is rather disturbing, b/c technically she did get the very handsome and well-endowed man she was probably hoping for, just wasn’t expecting it from Mallick.) Anyway, she sat back down and took it… er… enjoyed the rest of the show. And hell, even yours truly made three dollars off what she stuck into my g-string.
After that, present number three unveiled itself in the form of a stretch limo which would be taking us to dinner up in Malibu. We drank our faces off on the way up. We’re pretty lit by the time we arrived. I think I ever drunk dialed my parents b/c I thought I made a funny by stripping down to my nut huggers and thought it was a good idea to tell them immediately instead of letting them find out in the tell-all book I’ll write after I become rich and famous and lose it all better on turtle racing.
I already forget the name of the place we ate at, but the food was great. Mexican food and pitchers of margaritas. Yes please! Upon completion of the meal, we loaded back into the limo and gave Abby her last present: a “Suck-For-A-Buck” t-shirt. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a tee with lifesavers sewn on and gentleman (and I use that term oh so loosely) pay a dollar to pull off with their teeth. The limo driver was the first one to go in for the kill. Classy guy.
With only a brief stop for some photos on the Malibu pier, we headed to Baja Cantina where another thirty or so people came to party with Abby on her unofficial bachelorette going away party.
It was a pretty memorable night. Abby had so much fun. I could tell when she came up to me and said “Mallick, you need to walk me home now.” At least that’s what I deciphered it as. Everyone had fun and we all got to say one last good-bye to Abby before she headed for the great white North.
Okay, time for me to go to bed. I know you were all hoping for a little Rad Girl action, but I had to put this down on paper first. It’s just too funny. I am in the midst of filming this week in Santa Cruz and I promise to get a summation of this week up and running very, very soon. Have a good night everyone.
