It’s been a while folks. I know. I’ve a good excuse don’t worry. And a lot of good stories too. In fact, this post may take a few days for me to actually write (which of course in turn will probably lead to some more stories).
To begin, just so you all know why I’ve been MIA; I’ve been producing the new season of RAD GIRLS. Segment Producing to be exact. We began prepping back in late June in our cute little production office aka J-mar’s house. We discussed skits, amped them up, re-wrote some, cut some out, pushed some aside for later, and had a lot fun imagining what the next few weeks were gonna be like putting all of these crazy ideas on HD camera. J-mar, Clementine, Munchie, Ramona Cash, and I put together an ideal, precise schedule, which would not only work in perfect harmony with our locations, but also keep the creative juices at their boiling points. This plan of attack would eventually be thrown right out the window, right along with my sanity.
Our entire central crew was seven people: the three girls, J-mar, Chris aka Kwissy Avalon, and Benji, aka, Benji, and me. Benji and Kwiss were our camera guys, but just as much a huge part of the creative process as any of us. What made me so insane was that I was production. Me. I called and locked locations, got the permits, did the schedule, redid the schedule, threw out the schedule, got all of the releases, purchased and dealt with the props… um… yeh, anything I’m missing? Basically what I’m trying to tell you is I did everything. And worried about everything. Benji has like twenty minutes of footage of me from on-set looking around with a worried look on my face, like a deer who just heard a branch break in the woods.
The first stop on our trip was Santa Cruz. Now, I don’t want to really give away any huge spoilers on the show. You can get little hints by the photos I have posted on the Rad Girls website (I’m getting production photographer credit on the show as well). I had never been to Santa Cruz before this, but let me tell you, it’s a pretty beautiful little town. It’s not a place you pass on the highway; you actually have to make it a point to go “over the hill” to find it. There are no chains there of any kind, so no fast food, no Starbucks, no nothing. All good food, all the time. I might even try to convince my parents to go up there to watch the Tour of California this year. I know I am definitely going to have to make more trips up there to visit my friends, but also to enjoy this quiet little oasis.
To make us feel more at home, Benji was nice enough to let us guys crash at his house, which also happens to be the lodging for Dirty Penny, a modern day 80’s hair band. Great guys; they usually stay at The Hotel when they come to play in LA. They were out on tour across the country, so there was plenty of available beds. What Benji failed to tell us was that while Dirty Penny was out touring the country, their merchandise guy, Crazy Kyle, and his 17-year old girlfriend, Dom, were keeping up the house, or rather not keeping up the house.
I’m not a clean freak by any means, but it was like a flophouse in there. Benji even didn’t stay there anymore, but rather opted to crash out over at his amazing girlfriend Lindsay’s place across the street (lucky guy). I didn’t walk around barefoot once. The kitchen was the worst. Kyle and Dom would cook pasta for dinner, and then leave the dirty dishes, with leftover food in them, on the stove for days. Fucking gross. Dom didn’t clean the bathroom until the day before we left. J-mar stayed in Benji’s room, which was exponentially cleaner than any other room in the house. Chris and I stayed in DP’s room. Three of the band mates lived together in the same room. That room wasn’t so bad, it was a little rank from stale clothes and stagnant air being locked in there for the prior three months while the rockers had been away. But it was home, and by Tuesday I was sitting on couches without covering them in plastic first. And honestly, it added a little extra spice to the trip.
All in all Santa Cruz was a great time, beautiful beaches, beautiful women, and beautiful bars. I found my local spot for when I go to visit: The Bay Bar. Munchie used to work there before she left for Rad Girls. The owners Matt and Raylene were awesome, so awesome they let us take over for a night and film some stuntmen there (if you don’t know, you’re better off). Also, the bartender James and I apparently share the same iPod. We spent a couple glorious nights down in Capitola (the little town near Santa Cruz where the Bay Bar is located) discussing the finer points of Thursday’s greatness and why Silverstein is always worth going to see in concert.
Next stop was Florida. The guys were lucky enough to get the long straw this time and stayed in Clementine’s parents’ condo in Fort Pierce, Florida. The Girls’ stayed in her parents sport yacht (wait, did we win or lose this fight?). We spent ten days traveling up and down the coast of Florida from Fort Pierce, to Clementine’s hometown of Okeechobee, to Jacksonville, to the gorgeous shores of West Palm Beach. Our good friend, and now fellow Rad Girl Jenny Jen Pants came and joined us for most of the Florida excursion.
The highlight of my trip to Florida (or possibly the worst experience of my life, you can decide after reading this) was probably how Team Rad helped me celebrate my birthday. The culmination of my birthday season (it begins on July 4th) usually ends twenty days later on the 24th, but thanks to Benji, J-mar and Chris, my birthday solstice began a day early and lasted for three whole days.
Night one began with the guys and I drinking a case of Yuengling (the greatest beer on the planet) while hanging out with our good friend Jack Daniels. Near the end of our bottle of Jack, I decided it was time for me to get some sleep because I had it in my head I was going to get up early and go running with Munchie. However, the rest of the guys had other plans. I don’t remember much except sheets being ripped off me and being beaten incessantly with pillows, including a few choice shots to the nuts. This lasted from about 3:00 AM to 5:00 AM. Awesome.
The next morning, on my actual birthday, hung over as shit, I get packed and get the male squad down to the van on time, but the girls were running late. So, to pass the time, Benji suggested we go have a “birthday beer.” We head back up to the condo and Benji passes the lone Yueng-dog to myself, while he and Kwiss take Heinie’s. J-mar turns one down b/c his stomach is upset. Understandable. Benji rolls camera on me I assume for DVD material of their Segment Producer’s birthday morning. We “cheers” and I take a huge swig of my beer, and it doesn’t taste right. Right off the bat I figure they’re fucking with me. I guessed they put laxatives in my beer and I would have mud butt all day. I refuse to drink another drop until they tell me the deal. Benji agrees they were screwing with me; they allegedly put some left over Jack in my beer to try to have me fuct up for most of my birthday. I am warily convinced to take another belt. I do, and determined to guess what is wrong with my favorite beer (b/c trust me, I know what Yuengling tastes like) I swish the second massive gulp around in my mouth like a mouthful of Scope before a hot date. I swallow and say aloud, “This definitely isn’t Yuengling” to which Benji replies, ”Yeh, that’s because it’s my pee!” Awesome, again.
And it’s all on camera.
The best part was that after being wasted, and being beaten all night, drinking my friend’s urine the next morning, I get stuck driving to Okeechobee while the rest of the guys sleep. Thanks team.
The night of my birthday I got a little relief. After a nice dinner and amazing hospitality from Todd and Tina (Clementine’s parents), I am surprised with a Princess Party Cake from the Rad Girls. This actually is pretty awesome. Decorated with My Little Ponies and Barbie’s, with “Happy Birfday Mallick (GAY)” written across it, it was one of the funniest, and best, birthday cakes I have ever gotten. Thanks everyone for a wonderful end to my birthday season.
Wrong. (Wrong meaning it’s not the end, the cake and singing were amazing and so sweet.)
Friday we traveled to Jacksonville to stay with our friends Shaun and Jennie Moss, a totally awesome married couple that is throwing a huge party for our arrival. Held at a club on the wrong side of the tracks, they booked punk bands, built a wake-boarding pool, had open bar, and hired some amazing artists to take over the place. Best part was my cousin Danny came down with his new fiancé Alecia came to hang out. I haven’t seen Danny in a little over three years, and have never met Alecia. I was hoping they didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I still had to work, but I wanted to catch up and make sure they were having a good time. I wasn’t sure how conservative they were, because you know, we’re not so much. The night was great, we had fun, had some beers, and save from somebody pulling a gun on someone else outside during a major battle royale, and us having to run out the back, it was pretty memorable. Oh yeh, I almost forgot. I was given one last gift from out friends Shaun and Jennie Moss: Jennie tried to give me a nice, tasteful lap dance, but goddamn Shaun got in the way and tried to lay his sack on my face. Awesome, three times.
I must say it was probably the best birthday I ever had. Great friends, great trip, (mostly) great memories.
A few more days were spent filming in Florida before we returned to LA. A nice four day weekend full of drinking and The Hotel and The Castle and everywhere in between bridged our return from the dirty south and three final days of filming which included guest spots by actor Tiny Liston, porn star Mary Carey, and future (and actually present) boxing phenom, 13-year-old Matthew Vasquez.
I got a little revenge on Chris on our way back from Florida. I put a two-foot, double sided dildo in his camera bag. I wish you coulda seen the looks on the airport personnel’s faces as the behemoth dong went thru the x-ray machine. However, it didn’t even come close to the look on Chris’s face when the security pulled him over to the corner to empty out his camera bag and proceeded to ask him if he packed the bag himself. Dood. We got him good. He had to go back thru security and the x-ray machine. They pulled everything out of his bag except the dildo b/c honestly I think they were scared to touch it.
Rad Girls was, and still is, easily one of the best experiences of my life. The seven of us shared some amazing experience, and in our Santa Cruz PA Michelle I met an awesome party girl and in our LA associate producer Pascual Murderface I met another fellow lover of music and good friend. The vacation that is Rad Girls will never end truly end, but I seriously hope for a third season b/c of all the fun I had.
With all filming done on my part, the Rad Girls off on Warped Tour for ten days, I got a nice little treat when my sister Steph and her boyfriend Joe came to visit for a long six-day weekend. They landed Thursday morning and after food shopping, we spent the rest of the day at the beach before coming back and BBQing. Most of the weekend we spent going through my usual routine. Friday we went to the beach and I did a little surfing then we went down to The Whaler where Devon met my sister for the first time. Saturday we rented bikes (well, I used mine) and we took a ride up to Pacific Palisades and back. More beach time also. Saturday night I took them downtown to meet Brian and Andrea and the rest of the La Cita Crew. James, who just recently moved to 4th and Main came and hung out as well. She was a huge hit. Sunday while I was getting some work done, my sister and Joe went to the beach and then we went down to The Whaler again for Sunday Funday. During our evening session, I explained to Joe and Steph the small intricacies that make Cabo Cantina such a shitty bar to enter. After a few cocktails at my usual watering hole, Joe wanted to see the bar I loathed oh so much. As bad as the place was, my friend Jennie was working and she hooked it up. Also, I met Bryan Callen, a stand-up comedian and original member of the Mad TV cast. Very nice guy. Monday was spent at the beach, but Monday night was pretty epic: for my birthday, Joe bought the three of us tickets to go see the Dodgers play the Phillies up at Dodger Stadium. It was AWESOME! Dodger stadium is gorgeous and the game was a ton of fun, except for the fact the Phillies lost. Still, it was a perfect end to a perfect trip. Sadly, Tuesday morning brought their trip to a close and I had to say my goodbyes. It was really nice to see my sister; I hadn’t seen her since Xmas and we had a really amazing and relaxing trip.
And then there was one last incredible hurrah with the Rad Girls, they got Chris, Pascual Murderdace, and I VIP tickets to attend the Sad Diego stop on Vans Warped Tour. All I have to say is: awesome! (I know. I use that word a lot. Suck it.) I believe I saw twenty-two bands in like eight hours. And the best part was with the VIP tickets, we had full reign of the venue. I watched most of the acts from the comfort of the stage. That’s right. On the stage. And this year there was an old school stage where I watched Fear, T.S.O.L., and the Germs (who I met and got photos with) standing right next to them. Meeting the Germs was easily one of the most awe-inspiring moments of my life. They are such a historical act. And Shane West killed it. He filled Darby Crash’s shoes well. It wasn’t the same, but he killed it. Really nice guy too. Talked with Pascual and I for a bit after the show as well, and we were kicking ourselves not asking him to go drinking with us. Damnit. We filmed a couple of skits too with Rise Against (fuck yeh) and Reel Big Fish (double fuck yeh). Both awesome bands and awesome guys.
The night finished back at the hotel with all of us drinking with GBH’s tour manager. The band was sleeping in the room next to the Girls. Unfortunately for them, but fortunately for us, they left their room wide open with the key in the door, so we had an extra room to sleep in, I got us a couple new towels for The Hotel, and Chris ordered a bunch of porn on the bands bill. (I actually didn’t watch; watching porn with three dudes is just a little weird). Another great Rad Girls experience. I don’t think I can go to Warped Tour ever again without a VIP ticket. I’m so spoiled.
Go see Tropic Thunder. I’m amazed Ben Stiller directed. Also, see it alone for the fact, and I support this statement completely: it’s Tom Cruise’s best acting roll ever. Easily. No contest. The casting is amazing; everyone is perfect. I’ve seen the movie twice. Besides the three hero movies releases this year, this movie is my favorite of the year. Save for one little annoyance at the peak of the film, it’s perfect.
Keeping it all in the family, my dad took a two day detour on his way back from a week working in Idaho Falls. He arrived in town Friday morning, and to accommodate my dad, I took him immediately to his favorite LA hangout: The Whaler for beers. He loves relaxing with a few Bloody Mary’s and Fat Tires while overlooking the beach. We spent Saturday doing the same. He loves how much Venice reminds him of Shenandoah, the town he grew up in. How friendly it is, and how everyone knows everybody else. And how the head sushi chef, my buddy Ed (the 2nd shift) comes over for a few belts before starting work, then comes back once things are up and running. Both days were capped off with us watching the Phillies play the Dodgers and, spaaaaaanking them into submission. We swept them four games straight. BONG!
Friday night was Johnny’s going away party at Fish Co. He’s leaving for four months to be a camera op on Flight Of The Conchords in New York. Bastard. I was excited my dad anted up and join us. My dad finally met a lot of my friends like J-mar and AJ and Joe M.
He flew out balls early Sunday morning, but it was great seeing him, if only it was like forty-eight hours, and catch up (since I also haven’t seen him since Xmas). Good father-son times indeed.
I know it’s been a long one, but I’ve been busy. Lastly, I want to plug my amazing friend ANDREA WASSE’S show this weekend.
The details are:
Saturday, August 30th,
8pm SHARP
@ Room 5
143 North La Brea Ave.
Los Angeles, 90036
Go see her. You won’t be disappointed. I’ll be there taking photos.
