I've Said It Before...

…and I’ll say it again.  I hate hippies.

All I wanted was a sandwich. Just one sandwich.  It was late Thursday night.  I had just finished at the gym and wanted to hit up the Subway near Windward.  As I was locking my bike up out front, I watched as three high school aged, baggy pants, shaggy haired, Birkenstock wearing, male hippies wandered into the shop ahead of me.  I could tell as they passed me they were high.  Damnit. 

Inside, they proceeded to take their jolly-ass old time ordering.  Whispering to the gentleman trying to get their food together, it took them a good ten minutes before the decided what they wanted.  They couldn’t grasp the concept placing an order.  Verbs eluded them.  These three degenerate hippies-in-training talked amongst themselves in between each condiment and vegetable added to their sandwich.  It was painful. 

After ten minutes, finally, it came my turn to order.  It was a very simple request: Italian BMT, 6-inch wheat roll.  As I was sitting there, bullshitting with the man behind the counter, a full-grown hippie couple, both equipped with dreadlocks, walked into the shop.  The female yells out, “We’re just getting fucking water!”  No one prodded her, she just yelled.  One of the employees orders her leave immediately.  The woman yells something about “The Man” and reassures everyone in the Subway her and her man are just getting water.  The guy behind the counter tells me the couple often comes in and steals soda, and once came in to order a sandwich.  When it came time to pay, the guy said he had no money and tried to reach over the counter and steal the sandwich.  When he failed at his attempt to de-sandwich the ‘Way, he yelled profanities and shit about the Subway employees being instruments of The Man.  Yeh, b/c these two Hispanic guys working at eleven at night are single handedly holding these dirty, lazy ass mothers back from accomplishing all their life’s goals.  GET A JOB YOU DIRTY HIPPIES!!

Anyway, as the three pre-pubescent retards are discussing if they are going to eat-in or take-out, a young gentleman (see asshole) comes in looking for the bathroom.  He is instructed there is no public bathroom; read the sign in the window.  The dude then asks, “Well what about the bathroom you use?”  “That’s for employees only, and you don’t work here.”  Well, apparently that wasn’t what this little stoner fuck wanted to hear.  He proceeded to call both employees pussies and knock over a rack of chips on his way out.  Not to be defiled, I watched one awesome move.  One of the Subway guys picked up a whole avocado and whipped it as hard as he could at the back of the kid’s head.  It missed him by a pin’s width and clipped the side of the door as the little bastard ran out. 

The juvenile potheads finally paid for their food, making it my turn to pay for my sammy and get home for The Daily Show.  I step up to the register, and my sandwich is gone.  One of the little bastards took my sandwich.  At this point I am so annoyed, I’m blatantly talking to the guy behind me about how much I hate stoner hippies and how stupid they are, knowing this little pricks can full on hear me.  I inform the kid he took my sandwich, but he assures me that it was the one he watched get wrapped up.  He can’t focus on the lettuce being put on his sandwich, but he swears on a bible he picked up the right sandwich.  I ask him two more times to check and give me the sandwich back.  I point out there are four sandwiches on their table and only three of them, so they must have my food.  The give me what I presume is my sandwich back.  The Subway guy apologizes and I tell him not to worry about it; it’s not his fault lazy prick-hippies come into his store and treat him like crap.  I pay, and leave. 

Upon arrival back at The Hotel, I open my sandwich only to realize the little stoner gave me the wrong sandwich.  The damn kid was so high, he opened the wrapping of the sandwiches, checked them, and then still proceeded to give me the wrong sammy.  How high do you have to be to forget what you ordered thirty seconds after you sat down? 

Five dollars down the shitter.  Now I wish I wasn’t taking a month off of drinking.  If dealing with stupid hippies doesn’t make you want to pound a beer, I don’t know what does. 

To close, I feel bad that member of Dave Matthews Band who died.  My prayers go out to his friends, family, and band mates.  But maybe, just maybe, they’ll stop making music now, and these stupid jam band following, flower dress wearing, pot smoking, white-man hating, drum circle bongo playing, crown made of vines wearing, “I will work for marijuana” sign holding HIPPIES will go away.  Do something with your lives and stop complaining. 

Welcome to paradise…

Illadelph Stopover

I am currently watching The Sound of Animals Fighting live DVD “We Must Become The Change We Want To See.”  This super group has only played four live shows ever in their existence, and luckily, their final performance in Los Angeles was documented for historical reference.  The Skunk even proclaims, “You are the last people who see this forever.”  So far it’s pretty amazing.  Like watching the second coming of Jesus or something.  (And it also cements the fact The Skunk is the probably the greatest frontman of all time… The Ram kills it pretty hard too.)

Last weekend I made an unannounced trip back to my favorite city in the country, Philadelphia.  The only people who knew I was returning were my parents, my sister, Janine (Rin’s roommate shhh) and my buddy Todd.  My original plan was to document the whole trip on camera so I could make a nice little video about the whole extravaganza, plus I could give you people a nice visual instead of just having words for you to read.

I landed in Philly Friday around 4 PM where my good friend Caitlin picked me up at the airport.  Driving in pouring down rain and rush hour traffic, it took us about an hour to get from the airport to my sister’s new place in Manayunk.  Steph had dinner waiting; her roommate Colleen and her had ordered from a little Italian joint near their house and a spicy chicken wrap waited for me.

From there, we all got ready for the big shebang.  See the main reason for me coming home, besides to see my family, and besides the fact I haven’t been close to Philly since Xmas 2007, was a party Todd was throwing.  Back in July, during a phone conversation I had with Todd while I was at the Whaler, we decided Todd would throw a party and I would come home and surprise everyone.  Caitlin met us at my sisters, and she drove Steph, her boyfriend Joe, and myself to the party. 

I got everyone though.  I got them good.  Todd told Jamie, his wife, but that’s all who knew.  Oh, and Josh found out b/c Todd is an idiot and let it slip when Josh said he was bringing a case of Yuengling (“Perfect, Mallick will love that… uh wait.” Dumbass.  He hadn’t even started drinking yet.  Everyone was there though.  CW and his fiancé Alair, Josh, Todd, Jamie, Bill and Marie, Todd’s buddy Jesse from home and his girlfriend, Ben and his wife Kelley from Harrisburg, Josh Young from Bethlehem, and of course our tribe.  We all proceeded to get drunk on Yuengling and Maker’s Mark.  We all caught up, played beer pong, and made fun of Bill’s lack of work out commitment until about midnight before all the little kiddies started to fall. 

Caitlin drove the four original horsemen back to Steph’s where Steph and Joe went to bed and Caitlin and I stayed up until about 2:00 AM catching up on life. 

The Sound of Animals Fighting DVD is still pretty amazing.

The next morning I met up with Caitlin, her boyfriend Mike (who I am meeting for the first time??), Janine, and her boyfriend (lame).  We went to the Manayunk Diner and I do highly recommend if you are ever in the area, and looking for good diner food with great service, go somewhere else.  Seriously.  We should have gone to Famous Ray’s.  At least there you can get a milkshake with your breakfast.  We must have waited for an hour for our food, the waitress forgot to put in Caitlin’s order, or messed it up or something.  It was so terribly lame.  The food was decent, but not good enough to make up for the lack of professionalism at this place.  It put a few of the people there in foul moods, which sucked.  All in all though, it was good to see them.  Didn’t get to talk to Janine too much b/c her boyfriend kept leaning in like he was trying to prove to everyone he had a girlfriend and she was allll his.  Douche.  Mike was a pretty good guy; I feel like I met him before though.  He used to work at Iron Hill in West Chester, so I have a weird feeling I met him back in the Viva days. 

Not that it’s any kind of rebellious move, but I made it a point to stick like three RAD GIRLS stickers and two of Devon’s photo stickers on the glass windows of the Diner.  They can suck it.  (Those stickers can also be found all over Manayunk, North Philly, and Roxborough currently.)

Saturday afternoon I spent with my parents.  We first took a trip down memory lane and went back to visit La Salle, where both my dad and I went.  We bought like five hundred dollars worth of swag at the bookstore, walked the campus, and even got a chance to meet up with one of my old Comm. professors Brother Gerry whom I keep in touch with still on a semi-normal basis.  So much has changed on the campus since I’ve went there, let alone since my dad did.  They are building a new science center.  They added quad-dorms on the south campus, along with a second dining hall.  Part of 20^th Street was closed and made into a walkway for the students.  La Salle purchased part of Germantown Hospital for their nursing department, and a bridge over Wister is being built linking the two parts of campus.  The groundwork for the new grocery store has also taken place.  Crazy.  It’s like a real college now. HA!

For dinner, we walked the length of Manayunk.  It was good to see Main Street.  We made our way down to Kildares where we had a traditional Irish dinner since all of the Irish meals were on sale.  Unbeknownst to us it was exactly halfway to St. Patty’s Day.  Awesome.  The food was great, and it was good to see my parents.  I saw my dad two weeks prior, and my sister two weeks before that, but hadn’t seen my mom since Xmas. 

Saturday night I took it easy and met Todd, CW, Jamie, and Alair for a beer at Castle Roxx, which is a block from my sisters. After, I drove up to my old apartment at Summit Park and met with Kyle, since he missed the big party.  Not knowing I was in town, he went back to Pottsville for the night to visit his parents.  We hung out at the old place until about 4:00 AM (damn).

Sunday I woke up.  Steph made me breakfast.  Then I began packing.  I news-papered up two cases of Yuengling and stuffed five boxes of Tasty Kakes into my carry on for the trip back to the Left Coast.  I was like a drug mule for Pennsylvania goods.  The only reason I didn’t have soft pretzels is b/c they were cash only at the airport and I didn’t have any on me.

Other than the pretzels, the trip was a complete success.  Although, I never really got any footage of the party.  We all got too drunk and I forgot to film anything.  I haven’t gone through footage yet, so maybe there is something salvageable.  We will see.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Other news: 

My good friend Andrea Wasse (again) is getting huge.  Her song “Cold Feet” appeared on the CW show Privileged last week; she even had a bumper at the end with the voiceover saying her name.  She is currently writing with this guy Hunter from some band called AFI.  Her new EP Barflies and Lullabies will be out soon and I promise to buy everyone copies.  I’ve heard most of the songs and they sound fantastic.

There is a good chance Devon will be on the new season of Survivor.  She is going into the casting session on Monday.  (The woman in charge of casting is a friend of hers from Syracuse.)  Let’s keep our fingers crossed for her!

Going to see Pascual Murderface play tonight with his new band Groamville.  8:45 in Van Nuys.  If you read this, and want to go, gimme a call and I’ll tell you where and how much.

I’m re-watching the DVD now.  It’s that amazing.

We’re hanging from our ankles…