It's Never Too Late For A Bad Idea

After constant hounding from my dear, dear friend Lauren, a.k.a. L-Ron, a.k.a. Party Monster (taking that name back), I decided to make my first return trip back to good ol’ Santa Cruz.  I would be joined by one Pascual Murderface, which made for a very nice little vacation.

The drive north only took about five hours from Burbank and we arrived on 41^st Ave. around 9:30 at night.  Once we got into town, we swung by Trader Joe’s to catch Benji off guard who was ecstatic to see us; he said it made his work-day much more tolerable.  We hugged and played grab ass for a few minutes and then got introduced to a new SC friend: a nice little alcoholic beverage known as Simpler Times Beer, only $3.99 for a six-pack.  We then took a little memorial drive through the Cruz towards downtown where L-Ron resides.  After a joyous reunion with L who, other than about five minutes in October, I haven’t seen since August, we began drinking. She has a great little apartment right behind the Quizzno’s. 

Our night involved meeting up with Munchie, who happened to be in town for one night only where we walked over to Ocean Ave. and visited L’s favorite hideaway, The Jury Room.  There, over many two dollar PBRs, we caught up and met a lot of her local friends.  Benji met up with us when he finished work and brought his lovely girlfriend Lindsay out as well.  Munchie drug everyone back to her hotel room, but I decided to head home with L, which turned out to be the better decision b/c every else partied until like five AM.  Shortly before passing out for the night, I was treated to a verbal lashing by L for wearing basketball shorts to sleep.  I think she called me an east coast asshole that liked listening to Hatebreed.  Thus ended Day One.

Day Two began with blunch at the Saturn Café, a vegetarian diner.  Easily one of my favorite places to eat, not only in Santa Cruz, but anywhere.  I got me an extremely delicious faux BBQ chicken sandwich.  After breakfast, we sauntered around downtown for a bit, stopped into this little hippie shop, where I made probably the best impulse buy ever; a book entitled No Regrets: The Best, Worst, & Most #$%*ing Ridiculous Tattoos Ever.  It has some of the worst ideas for tattoos I have ever seen.  So funny though.

After that, we made our way over to Capitola to watch a surfing competition.  We stopped into the Bay Bar for a quick pint where I ran into Crystal, one of the bartenders.  She couldn’t believe I was there.  She did a little double take and greeted me with a nice, “What the hell are you doing here?”  Next, we walked to the end of the beach path to watch the long board competition. As we were walking, to my utter delight, Jenny Useldinger just happened to be in town from Maui surfing in the competition.  She is a really talented surfer, and super cute to boot.  We caught up a bit before she took to the waves.  It was amazing to watch her surf.  Lindsay and her mom were helping to tally up the scores, so we hung out with them for a bit as well.  We walked around Capitola village a bit and L-Ron said she can’t wait to take her parents there when the come to town to visit next. 

Next, we made our way to the tattoo shop.  Apparently, the night before while were at The Jury Room, I told Pascual and Lauren the story about how when we were filming Rad Girls in Santa Cruz this past summer, a few of us decided to get pink hearts tattooed on our middle fingers to remember the trip, but when it came time to getting the work done, the artist went M.I.A.  Pascual said we should do it, and L-Ron said we can’t write a check we can’t cash, so Saturday afternoon, L-Ron’s new man, Paul, hooked us up quick appointments at Kalifa’s Tattoo shop where he works.  We filmed the whole thing and you can check out the video here. CLICK HERE!

For dinner we got Subway, and spent most of the rest of the night watching movies in L’s apartment.  Save for a quick trip across the street to The Catalyst to see Spanky Savage from the killer hair band Dirty Penny.  We stayed in all night.  It was great to see Spanky; we haven’t hung out since last time they were in LA back in early February.  The reunion was short and sweet, but will continue in a few weeks when Dirty Penny headlines The Whiskey in Hollywood on December 12.  YOU ALL BETTER BE THERE!!!

Day three took us down to the Santa Cruz boardwalk after breakfast at the Chill Our Café, another top food spot (breakfast burritos as big as your forearm).  We walked around and snapped a few photos.  The best one was of the three of us standing on the train bridge, which is a famous spot from the movie The Lost Boys.  We took a little driving tour of UC Santa Cruz to see where Lauren is going to school.  The campus is beautiful and overlooks all over SC. I challenge you to find a more serene campus.  Next we made our way back to Capitola and the Bay Bar to partake in my weekly tradition: Sunday Funday.  To my surprise, Crystal was not behind the bar, but instead, my great friend James, who is like my musical equal, ran the taps.  We hit it off super well back when I was filming Rad Girls because we pretty much have matching iPods (and taste in music).  We spent most of the afternoon and early evening just bullshitting and putting back pints to our hearts desire. 

Oh, and some dude tried to kick my ass.  While James and I were discussing new bands we’ve come across for each other to check out, some dude walks right up to me and says to me, “What’s up?”  I looked at him for a good fifteen seconds trying to place him, figuring it was someone I met over the summer.  I ask him what’s up back, and he’s like, “You got a staring problem?” At this point I’m a little confused.  I know the bar is small, but I don’t even remember looking at him once.  Apparently, I was staring at the juke-box which was behind where he was playing pool.  He told me to “take a picture, it’ll last longer.”  Really?! You’re going to get in my face for possibly staring at you and then using the most clichéd lines to intimidate me?  What a tool.  James yelled at him and made him to apologize to me. It was great.

After closing our tab at the Bay Bar, James and I made plans to meet up later that night to catch up more.  I dropped L and Pascual off at The Jury Room, and I went back and took a little nap knowing full well that if I went with them, I never would have made it all night.  I watched a little Rocky III before picking the two of them up and bringing them back to the Batcave.  Pascual managed to pass out on the couch for the rest of the night, only awakening to give us money for pizza. 

After dinner, we slapped a note on Pascual and L and I headed to meet James and Benji over at Castaways for a few last-night-in-town beers.  It was a nice little wrap up to a perfect weekend.  The only bummer was not seeing Jenny U. the rest of the trip.  We tried to meet up, but we kept missing each other. 

I couldn’t have asked for a better bit of relaxation.  I love going into that town; a calm seems to always roll over me.  Such a great attitude and feeling hit when I am cruising down Route 152 over the mountains, hitting the home stretch into town.  I can’t explain it, and you can’t know it unless you go there yourself.  So take a break and make a trip, it’s totally worth it.

It never quite feels the same…

A Really RAD Premiere

I’ve always been proud of what I do for a living.  Even when I’m on a job I hate (fucking Mobile Home Bitch-Slap), I know I could be stuck behind a desk typing numbers into a spreadsheet for a living, waiting for the perfect moment to go postal on my boss when he asks me to work on Saturday for free.  I’ve worked on some pretty great shows.  If it wasn’t for Viva la Bam I wouldn’t have made the life-long friends I have now.  Viva was more than a job, it was an era, which changed and directed my life in an amazing direction.  Punk’d transitioned me into Los Angeles and kept me afloat while people I knew couldn’t make it in this tough city. 

Last night though, I experienced the culmination and start of one of the proudest projects I’ve ever had the opportunity to work on.  At 9:30 PM, Benji, Chris S., J-mar, Pascual Murderface, Ramona Cash, Munchie, Darling Clementine, Michelle, and myself, along with four hundred of our closest friends and family from all over the country waited impatiently at the gate of Cinespace on Hollywood Blvd. for the premiere of Season 2 of RAD GIRLS. 

It was truly and honestly a night to remember.  Everyone dressed to impress, even me. (Thank Benji’s girlfriend, Lindsay.  She made me put on pants, a nice shirt, and a tie).  There was an open bar all night and the booze flowed like water from a Roman servant’s clay pot. 

Inside the screening room, we had our own little reserved section for cast and crew.  We were definitely playing the roll of celebrities on this windy Sunday night.

I remember watching people anxiously crowding into the screening room as I stood there with Chris, getting each other pumped up for what was to be unleashed upon the audience. To open, J-mar and the head of MavTV Rob Stevens gave a little speech acknowledging each one of us individually.  And then the fun began.  The crowd’s response was perfect.  It was one autonomous cringe, laugh, and groan at all the right parts.  Listening to the crowd go insane for what they watched gave me such a sense of pride and accomplishment for what our little group did.  I mean, we lived everything up there.  It wasn’t a well oiled machine with filming permits and grueling daily schedules, but at the same time, there were days so physically and mentally grueling, your body would collapse at night from exhaustion.  Watching Ramona boxing thirteen-year-old Matthew Vasquez, Clementine trying to wake surf behind the Shaun and Jennie Moss’s boat in Jacksonville, Florida while squid get thrown at her, all three of the Girl running around the country in burkah’s, and Munchie drinking her freshly excreted urine got the most amazing and perfect responses.  (I know, weird to get a puffed chest over, but it was brilliant.) 

After the viewing, our crew (and subsequently the crowd) lost their minds in cheers.  Our little reserved section proceeded to pile-on each other like we were in Little League and we just won the big game.  I went and found all my friends who came with me to see what they thought.  Their reactions were all pretty consistent: all loved it and were super grateful I invited them along to share such an important night.  I spent the rest of the night working the room and getting wasted.  So many people came up to me and offered their congratulations and support, I felt like I was on course to win an Oscar. 

It really was a staggeringly proud night for me.  I can’t say it enough.  Other than the episodes still needing to air, Season 2 of RAD GIRLS I think almost officially comes to a close.  But as we all know, the beast that is RAD GIRLS never really ends.  We’re always kinda working on it; coming up with gnarlier ideas or snapping a gross/sexy clip of the Girls in public.  RAD GIRLS isn’t so much a TV show for those involved, it’s a life all it’s own, and every chance we have to depart from the normal everyday rigmarole, we’re all ready to live all that is RAD.

Here we go… Think about the promises that kept you walking wandering in time…

Attack! Of The Ampersands

First.  I have to give a huge shout out to my hometown: Philadelphia.  We did it baby!!!  2008 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS!!  After twenty-eight years without a World Series win, and twenty-five years without any sort of title in any sport, the Philadelphia Phillies beat the Tampa (Devil) Rays in five games to take home the Commissioner’s Trophy. 

It’s a moment I will remember for the rest of my life.  I was (unfortunately) stuck in traffic on the 10 freeway trying to get off an exit to find a bar to watch the end of the game.  When the last pitch was thrown, I went ape shit in my car.  People around me changed lanes to get away from the commotion I was making in The Blue Flash: screaming out of open windows and blaring the horn.  The whole idea of the win didn’t hit me totally until the next day when I got to work and began looking through photos on Philly.com, to which, and I’m not afraid to say it, I began to cry.  If there was ever a time I missed being home, it was right then.  A moment suspended in time.  I received many text messages and photo messages the following Friday from the parade down Broad St. honoring our new heroes. It’s truly an amazing moment and probably one of the proudest of my life. 

Okay, I’m done being gushy.

Go see Zack & Miri Make a Porno.  The new Kevin Smith uber-comedy is another great piece of film from the legendary Jersey boy.  For those who don’t know, the story follows two below poverty-stricken friends Zack and Miri who are so broke they decide to get a group of friends together and make a little home made filth.  I don’t want to give too much away, but there is a moment in this movie, which is probably the grossest I’ve seen in a long time, but it’s also one of the funniest I’ve seen in a very long time.  I haven’t laughed that hard at a single joke in years.  The dialogue is true KS; completely juvenile, but laced with so many smart references, it makes you wonder how you can be laughing at a dick joke that alludes to an 18^th century philosopher. 

Saturday night I went to see She & Him at the Wiltern.  “She” is actress Zooey Deschanel (who is my number one) and “Him” is legendary guitarist M. Ward.  My friend Kathleen went along for the ride since I had an extra ticket.  Zooey has such a distinctive and amazing voice.  It’s not an out of this world, kill-your-kids-to-hear-her-sing voice, but it has this weird little… I can’t really put my finger on exactly what it is, but it’s definitely unique.  And very beautiful.  And M. Ward, well he’s M. Ward.  They played a killer set, I got to hear all of my favorite songs by the duo (and their backing band), and I fell in love with Zooey all over again.  I wonder if she’s single?

In case you’ve been in a coma for the last week, Tuesday was Election Day.  And finally after a long hard battle, Barack Obama & Joe Biden beat John McCain and his dumb bitch of a VP candidate Sarah Palin (pronounce paul-in b/c she doesn’t deserve to have her name said correctly) 364-163 in electoral college votes to capture the presidential victory.  I’m really excited for his term to start.  After the last eight years of complete hate and distaste and misery for our government and it’s leader(s), I’m finally excited and proud to call myself an Amerikan again.  Hopefully Obama can live up to all expectations.  Sadly, like any politician, he is going to have many people who are dipping their hands in his pot, and he’ll have to compromise one thing or another, but I feel for the most part, he will stick to his beliefs and help resurrect our country not only in face globally, but also internally (i.e. economically, etc.). 

And now onto the biggest ampersand of them all: Coheed & Cambria.  This week, The Avalon in Hollywood was hosting Coheed & Cambria’s Neverender phenomenon.  CO&CA is a progressive rock band from New York who bases their music and albums around telling one central story.  Each album from start to finish tells a different chapter of the larger tale. 

The Neverender is a four-night concert event.  Each night, Coheed will play, in order, one album, from start to finish, in it’s entirety.  I’ve been waiting for this show for about five months.  I had tickets to nights one and two. 

Night one was The Second Stage Turbine Blade.  I really want to give you the details, but the story is so involved, and you probably won’t understand it.  It’s a really great sci-fi story which I so complex, I can’t fathom how singer Claudio Sanchez conceived it.  It was an amazing, once in a lifetime show.  I got to hear songs I haven’t heard play since I first saw Coheed six years ago back when I was in college and first discovered them.  Songs like “Junesong Provision” and “Devil In Jersey City” sounded so amazing.  What’s crazy about the whole thing if you think about it is I’m sure when a band tours, they practice the songs they are playing on that tour and that’s it.  Coheed & Cambria had to practice and know every song in their catalogue. 

Night two was In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth: 3.  I didn’t make it.  My favorite album by one of my favorite bands.  The title track in fact, I believe, is one of the most perfect songs ever written, and I missed it.  “Al The Killer.”  Missed it.  “A Favor House Atlantic.”  Missed it.  “Three Evils.”  Missed it.  Fuck you.

The reason:

Due to Proposition 8 not passing in California, there was a huge protest down Santa Monica Blvd. during rush hour, so I became trapped on the west side.  In fact, the traffic was so bad, I was trapped at MTV because so many cars were stopped outside I couldn’t pull my car out of the lot.  It was a literal parking lot outside.  I couldn’t even drive home to Venice, six miles away.  After the first hour of seclusion, Sharham and I decided to walk down to Ralph’s and buy food and booze to keep us nourished at the office while we waited to leave. 

Now, I am in complete support of gay rights.  It’s totally stupid to pass a law disallowing a group of people from getting married if they want to.  But do they really have to protest during rush hour in Los Angeles.  The news was interviewing protesters who were getting beat up while marching and couldn’t understand it.  Look asshole: gay, straight, bi, tri, whatever.  If you were walking down the street, and I got stuck in traffic for four hours, I would probably get the fuck out of my car and punch you too. 

I am going to post part of my friend Pascual Murderface’s blog on the subject below.  He stated it best:

We actually made a state constitutional AMENDMENT saying marriage is between a man and a woman.  Since when is the constitution to be used for anything other than PROTECTING RIGHTS AND GRANTING FREEDOMS??  When did we decide it was ok to say what we're NOT allowed to do as citizens??  Show me one amendment in any constitution where it LIMITS freedoms rather than details our RIGHTS!

I'd like to hear a single, solid argument against gay marriage.  And stop using religion or tradition.  That's a personal thing.  The fact that I say fuck, shit, ass, twat, balls, cock, and motherfucker is pretty offensive to some people too, but they can't make me a second-class citizen for saying that stuff.

Mandated discrimination is deplorable and I sincerely hope all of you end up with gay children just to see how painful it is to see people you care about losing their legal rights and privileges.

~~~~~~~

I'll keep reminding you, if you want to use the sanctity and tradition argument, it's not gonna work til you agree that we should ban atheist, agnostic, buddhist, hindu, sikh, pagan, wiccan, disabled, impotent, safe-sex, etc marriages.  Those all soil the sanctity and go against the tradition of the judeo marriage concept.

Nicely put my friend.

I think that about covered the last week or so of my life.  Zack & Miri.  She & Him.  Obama & Biden.  Coheed & Cambria.  Prop 8.

Have a great weekend everyone.  I know I will.  RAD GIRL premiere weekend.  Everyone’s in town and we’re all going to get crunked.

Blood hungry, cannibalistic unfit family ties…