Transcendental Consequence

It’s been a while since I’ve written. I really have no excuse; only I haven’t found anything I really wanted to post about. I was going to rant a bit about the evils of Las Vegas a few weeks back, but the piece I began writing somehow went missing, so I abandoned the endeavor.

I turned twenty-nine this year, a pretty random birthday for someone who spends a month celebrating this yearly landmark. This year, I had the pleasure of spending my birthday holiday with both my dad and my sister. I’m so close to being thirty, a major milestone in anyone’s life. I can’t wait to reach it. I did however take a moment, like I do from time to time, and look at where I am in the universe.

In a previous post I mentioned how I have finally discovered myself. However, during the last year, I seem to have forgotten who you are as a person is continually in flux. I know who I am at my core, but the person as a whole, will always be a work in progress. Obviously, the person I was in high school is not the same person I was in college, and that person is far from the person you meet now.

I’m a runner now. I’ve done a marathon, and continue to race any chance I get. I ran a 10K in Culver in June. I plan on doing a half marathon in October, most likely in Long Beach. If you would have asked me ten years ago if I even wanted to go for a run, I wouldn’t cringed. Now I go out for an hour and don’t think twice.

Among the personal changes I’ve discovered this past year is I realized something I believed very strongly in, has now changed. Stuff I've adamantly written about here I no longer adhere to. I like to think it’s a positive change.

The main revolution came when I met someone who I saw spending the rest of my life with, even wanting to marry. A situation I never thought I would find myself in, let alone even considering. (Although others apparently knew I wanted it all along.) I realized the option of marriage could be a possibility in my life. I also now understand opening yourself that much to a person, especially if things don’t work out, can really destroy you. It almost makes me want to guard myself more, even if it means holding back on letting a significant other in.

I hope I’m wrong about this situation, and I hope I can find happiness with this person again. I’ve always been of the school that if you believe in something strong enough, life will steer itself in that direction.

Last year when I settled on who I’ve finally become as a person, the person I always wanted to be, the person I am completely happy with, I guess I lost perspective and became lazy. I need to continue learning and striving to become a better person. It took someone else to remind me and reinvigorate me to explore life again. I’ve grown as a person a great deal recently, and I have this person to thank.

Sometimes it’s hard for people to forget who you used to be, and sometimes they don’t like the idea of that person going away. I know friends from home who always want me to be that lunatic who took on any dare, regardless of consequences. They want me to tell them every sordid detail of my relationships, while I’m the person who likes to keep stuff like that between myself and whoever I am with. Maybe I lost a little of my edge. Maybe I'm just growing up

I thought I knew who I was. I lived for myself, always strived to make myself better. If I only take away one thing in my twenty-ninth year, it’s that I learned to live for someone else and because of this person I grew exponentially.

In the great words of Abed from Community: “When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn't such a big deal.”

I guess it’s nobody’s fault now but my own...